Recipe For A Happy Marriage: Not so long ago we wrote about divorces, today it is time for tips on how to happily persevere in marriage for many years. Advice will be provided by experienced couples with several decades of marriage. Check what is the key to success!
From marriage to divorce
Relationship, engagement, wedding and wedding day, and then boom – clash with everyday life and routine. Many couples have a very clear idea of life after marriage and do not accept that reality may look a bit different. Especially couples who did not know each other before they decided to get married or those who had never lived with each other are the problems. In such a situation, it is very easy for the first, more serious conflicts that nowadays often end with a petition for divorce. Is there a golden mean to live with the other half for many years?
Seniors about marriage
Only those who have a long-term marriage experience are able to answer the above question. Nobody, like them, can determine what constitutes the success of maintaining a relationship despite the many adversities and challenges that everyday life puts us. This is the path followed by one of the American gerontologists, Karl Pillemer, who decided to carry out a study among the older generation and to draw valuable knowledge on how to find the perfect partner and shape a valuable marriage.
The first stage of his project Advice Cornell included a survey (questions about a prescription for love, happy relationship, partner etc.) among 400 randomly selected Americans over the age of 65. The next study included 300 people who remained in connection with 30-, 40-, and 50-year seniority. Here, the questionnaire concerned advice on jointly dealing with marital problems and how to protect a relationship from disintegration. Interesting is the statistics on research – the average age of people taking part in the study was 77 years, and the average length of marriage was 44 years. A couple with the longest duration of 76 years, she was 101 and 98 years old!
Here is the wisdom flowing from the older generation:
1. Fight for communication
We all know that we should talk, but we often forget about it in the most important relations for us. According to seniors, learning to communicate is the basis of every relationship that connects people, not only at the level of marriage. A sincere, direct conversation can protect us against many misunderstandings and inaccuracies. There is nothing worse than quiet days, filled with conjectures, growing frustration and irritation. Tired of us problems will not disappear, even if we push them very deeply. Probably sooner or later there will be an escalation, which after many months/years of choking, can be very dangerous for the relationship. Sometimes it is worth giving the opportunity to shout, cry the problem at the other person, then calmly discuss it and look for a solution together. Do not be afraid to talk!
2. Fight for getting through
Although not every couple decides, it’s good to give each other the opportunity to sleep together for a while before the wedding. Nothing verifies your life so well than ordinary everyday life with another person. Only during common mornings or evenings after a hard day at work, you are able to assess how you find yourself at the partner. Does it drive you crazy after shaving at the edges of the basin? Do you get spasms at the sight of scattered clothes in the bedroom? Are you disgusted with her habit of biting nails? Do you see together despite the flaws of the other person, can you accept them and live with them? And what about your views on the future, your place of residence, your career, your children, your pets, etc.? The mismatch is the second reason for the breakup of the marriage, most often given in court, after lack of communication. Give yourself time to get to know each other, fit – and if you took the wedding on impulse after a month of acquaintance – fight for getting there.
3. Fight for the future
Once a divorced person was for this reason socially stigmatized. People gossiped, made speculations, pointed their fingers in small towns. Divorce was a reason for shame, a public confession that it failed. Today no one is looking at it anymore, on the contrary. Divorced couples became such a common phenomenon that people without deeper thought began to take advantage of the possibility of a formal break of the relationship. Living with the feeling that in the event of failure, you can simply part, often work to the detriment of marriage. Instead of taking a moment to get a second person and solve problems, the couples run to court with a lawsuit. Why choose a wedding if we can not fully engage in a relationship and give ourselves a chance to try to fix the mistakes? Before marriage, remember that there are no ideals, every man experiences his ups and downs, and living together is also a shared experience of crises and difficult situations. The secret to a successful and lasting marriage is to see yourself and your partner as an inseparable relationship that is able to deal with any adversity.
4. Fight together
As a relationship, not only marital, it is worth remembering that you create a team that is good and bad with each other. Share as much joy and trouble and sorrow with you. Think about the emerging problems together and stay equally involved, both in your affairs and in your partner. Always keep in mind “us” and not just “me. Remember about yourself, do not lose your individuality, develop your passions and interests, but at the same time take care of your partner’s needs.